We've absolutely had it with lame office small talk. We might even support a federal ban on it. It's time to retire it. For good. Not the Brett Favre fake retirement type thing. Hearing "just another day in paradise" from a coworker is like nails on the chalkboard. "It's a little chilly today, eh" is even more cringe. Don't even get us started on small talk about the traffic. These are all completely unnecessary, but in the worst way imaginable. Not in the high octane 100% Unnecessary Spiked Protein way.
Don't forget about the brutally awkward corporate forced smile and fake hand wave when passing coworkers in the hallway. Or dad jokes from the manager pretending to seem like he wants everyone to have a good time. Or the bloodcurdling emails of coworkers "just following up" or "just checking in." Seeing that email makes you want to "just check in" to hell. Small talk over email is even more nightmarish than real small talk. Everything about office small talk is fake, forced and uncomfortable. You will never see lame as hell small talk from Protochol. Low octane? We've never met her. If it's not high octane, you sure as hell won't see it from us.
We're too busy revolutionizing the alcoholic beverage industry to worry about boomer office small talk. We're too busy building an exotic brand you'll ride for. And even if we weren't busy doing that, we'd rather wear wet socks than be caught doing fake office small talk. The old, rigid corporate way should be buried at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. Here comes Protochol, shattering norms and making the impossible become possible. Ever seen spiked protein in stores? Didn't think so. Ever seen people detonate a toilet just because they can? We thought so. As we've said before- just because we run a corporation doesn't mean we'll ever go corporate.